What the hell happened in Denver?
Pittsburgh Steelers at NY Jets
I like to eat liver. James Harrison also likes to eat liver. Sanchez’s. Steelers by 20.

Washington Redskins at St. Louis Rams
Darth Fisher: “Aren’t you a little short for a quarterback?”
RG3PO: “Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Shannahan, and a powerful ally he is.”
Redskins by 12.

Arizona Cardinals at New England Patriots
Wisenhunt shocks the Patriots and takes a dump in Belichick’s hoodie, much improving its smell. Cards by 5.

Dallas Cowboys at Seattle Seahawks
Jerry Jones has had more plastic surgery than Octomom. Hers is better. Cowboys by 10.

Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers
Lovie, Lovie me do.
You know, I love you.
And Urlacher too.
So please, ee-ee-ease,
Beat the Packers into Poo.
Bears by 8.

Cleveland Browns at Cincinnati Bengals
If you multiply the number of Ohio team Super Bowl trophies by 10,000,000, you’d still have zero.  Bengals by who-gives-a-damn.

Minnesota Vikings at Indianapolis Colts
Have you seen Andrew Luck’s offensive line? Neither has he. Vikings by 10.

New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers
Dear Drew Brees: Please run the ball more than ten times. Sincerely, Sean Payton.
P.S. 10K for taking out Cam Newton.

Kansas City Chiefs at Buffalo Bills
Nobody cares. Line off.

Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars
Texas is still a state? Damn it! Texans by 14.

Oakland Raiders at Miami Dolphins
Can Carson Palmer still throw an NFL pass? Neither can Ryan Tannehill. Raiders by 6.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at NY Giants
Victor Cruz finds the Stickum. Captain Jack Sparrow couldn’t save the Bucs this week. Giants by 14.

Baltimore Ravens at Philadelphia Eagles
I shared a kennel at the Washington Animal Rescue League with some of Mike Vick’s dogs. Ravens by 456,222.

Tennessee Titans at San Diego Chargers
Date the Norv, don’t marry him.  Titans by 4.

Detroit Lions at San Francisco 49ers
Grudge match. Jim Harbaugh brings a gun, but Jim Schwartz brings former Lion, Mongo. Guns only make Mongo mad.  Lions by 3.

Denver Broncos at Atlanta Falcons
John Elway looks like Mr. Ed.  Peyton Manning looks like Mr. Ed. Wow, Mr. Ed got around.  Broncos by 10.

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