The Raiders will play without a quarterback until Lamarr Woodley knocks Carson Palmer out of the game. Steelers by 20.
Green Bay Packers at Seattle Seahawks
Mike McCarthy looks like the lovechild of Grimace and Mayor McCheese. Packers by 9.
St. Louis Rams at Chicago Bears
What’s the difference between Jay Cutler and a Black Widow? One tries to devour its own kind and the other is a spider. Rams by 8.
Philadelphia Eagles at Arizona Cardinals
I shared a kennel at the Washington Animal Rescue League with some of Mike Vick’s dogs. Cardinals by 456,222.
New England Patriots at Baltimore Ravens
I’m not allowed to pee on people, but if I could, both these teams would get a soaking. Ravens by 10.
Houston Texans at Denver Broncos
Foster: Texan for “you're about to get a whuppin." Texans by 12.
Atlanta Falcons at San Diego Chargers
I’m only sure of two things: 1) squirrels are the tastiest things ever, and 2) Norv Turner is an awful head coach, and I’m not sure about the squirrels. Falcons by 5.
Cincinnati Bengals at Washington Redskins
The only good cat is a dead cat. And the one's I chew on. That’s just how I roll. RG3PO and crew by 10.
Kansas City Chiefs at New Orleans Saints
Saints have better damage control than Mitt Romney. Saints by 20.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Indianapolis Colts
Name the two coaches. Don’t worry, I’ve got all week. Colts by 3.
San Francisco 49ers at Minnesota Vikings
The Vikings have a long and proud tradition of, well, nothing, actually. 49ers by 20.
New York Jets at Miami Dolphins
Dear Jets: how was last week’s humble pie? Get ready for another slice. Dolphins by 3.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Dallas Cowboys
Jerry Jones is so stupid, he thinks “asphalt” is a butt disease. Bucs by 10.
Buffalo Bills at Cleveland Browns
Do you remember when these teams mattered? Neither do I. Bills by 2.
New York Giants at Carolina Panthers
The Giants have great defensive ends. Taken together, they’re exactly half the size of Cam Newton. Giants by 10.
Detroit Lions at Tennessee Titans
Lions haven’t won anything since Webster’s Dad played for them. That’s sad. Titans by 8.
|Alex Karras/Webster's Dad/Mongo|
Is there anything he couldn't do?