The Raiders will play without a quarterback until Lamarr Woodley knocks Carson Palmer out of the game. Steelers by 20.
Green Bay Packers at Seattle Seahawks
Mike McCarthy looks like the lovechild of Grimace and Mayor McCheese. Packers by 9.
St. Louis Rams at Chicago Bears
What’s the difference between Jay Cutler and a Black Widow? One tries to devour its own kind and the other is a spider. Rams by 8.
Philadelphia Eagles at Arizona Cardinals
I shared a kennel at the
Washington Animal Rescue League with some of Mike Vick’s dogs. Cardinals by
456,222.
New England Patriots at Baltimore Ravens
I’m
not allowed to pee on people, but if I could, both these teams would get a
soaking. Ravens by 10.
Houston Texans at Denver Broncos
Foster:
Texan for “you're about to get a whuppin." Texans
by 12.
Atlanta Falcons at San Diego Chargers
I’m
only sure of two things: 1) squirrels are the tastiest things ever, and 2) Norv
Turner is an awful head coach, and I’m not sure about the squirrels. Falcons by
5.
Cincinnati Bengals at Washington
Redskins
The
only good cat is a dead cat. And the one's I chew on. That’s just how I roll. RG3PO and crew by 10.
Kansas City Chiefs at New Orleans Saints
Saints
have better damage control than Mitt Romney. Saints by 20.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Indianapolis
Colts
Name
the two coaches. Don’t worry, I’ve got all week. Colts by 3.
San Francisco 49ers at Minnesota Vikings
The
Vikings have a long and proud tradition of, well, nothing, actually. 49ers by 20.
New York Jets at Miami Dolphins
Dear
Jets: how was last week’s humble pie? Get ready for another slice. Dolphins by
3.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Dallas Cowboys
Jerry
Jones is so stupid, he thinks “asphalt” is a butt disease. Bucs by 10.
Buffalo Bills at Cleveland Browns
Do
you remember when these teams mattered? Neither do I. Bills by 2.
New York Giants at Carolina Panthers
The
Giants have great defensive ends. Taken together, they’re exactly half the size
of Cam Newton. Giants by 10.
Detroit Lions at Tennessee Titans
Lions
haven’t won anything since Webster’s Dad played for them. That’s sad. Titans by
8.
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| Alex Karras/Webster's Dad/Mongo Is there anything he couldn't do? |
